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The order of life is not write

Mon, 03/05/2018 - 08:59 -- Phyllis Humby

That Benjamin Button fella had it right. Did you catch that movie from a few years back? The Curious Case of Benjamin Button? He was born an old man and he grew younger. Imagine starting life with wrinkles, arthritis, and cataracts. I’ll tell you, he had a face only a mother could love. Unfortunately, his mother died and his father…well, you’d have to see the movie.

Yes to begin life like that is disheartening to be sure, but it’s uphill from there. It’s like getting all the bad stuff out of the way so we have only the good to look forward to. His condition did have its drawbacks. In Benjamin’s world, he was one of a kind and his loved ones grew older as he grew younger. But what if we all started out in nursing homes and ended up in nurseries. Would that not be awesome? We’d begin our lives in wheelchairs with blankets tucked around our legs and end our existence snugly swaddled and cootchy-cooed.

Of course, as with every life, a lot happens in between. And reverse aging makes it very interesting. Oh, for the old to become young. Think about it. How many times have you said, ‘If I knew then what I know now’? Aha! That’s what I thought. Often, it was the wisdom of age we lacked when we made some of those life-altering decisions. Youthful innocence is not always a good thing.

The adage ‘youth is wasted on the young’ is true. The thing is we don’t appreciate our adolescence because we’ve never been old. Trust me, young people would have a greater respect for the elderly if they’d already been there and done that.

It’s also my opinion that we shouldn’t have to witness our deterioration over a lifetime. How scary is that? Many of us would love to be as fat as we were when we first claimed to be fat. Am I right? We had no way of knowing that it would only get worse. We should start out with receding hairlines and middle age spread. With a backwards life, the older we get, the better we’d look. Baldies could look forward to a full head of hair, and women would be shapelier with each passing year. Midriff bulge would be nothing more than baby fat. Fuhgettaboutit, it’ll go away. Oh, and another thing, that memory problem we oldies have now and then would be a thing of the past, too. Yep, we’d be sharp as tacks.

Aside from our looks, it’s the decline in health that is the hardest to acknowledge. It’s more exciting to discard canes and hearing aids than to accept them. Benjamin’s beginnings may have seemed like a cruel joke but he got the last laugh. Yes, the order of life is all wrong. Are you with me on this?

If the aging process were reversed, each year we’d be stronger and healthier. Having experienced the limitations of old age, we’d appreciate the freedom and capabilities of being young. To heck with computer games and watching TV for hours, we’d be craving physical activity.

With all that energy surging through our limbs, we’d be like Forrest Gump running up the road, leg braces flying in every direction. Cataracts would disappear and arthritis would diminish. Boom! That’s what I’m talking about! Life would only get better, my friends. Our golden years would truly be golden.

If only we could all be a Benjamin Button. We wouldn’t be gathered around a table at Timmie’s, we’d be meeting at the Jungle Gym.

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